the joy of finding a lost but loved ballpen..

i was so happy last, last tuesday night because finally, I found the ballpens which mysteriously got lost 3 weeks ago. I wasn't looking for them though, but then when i was cleaning my bag, i touched something very very familiar, my ballpens! hehe. I found them between the cloth inside the bag and the bag itself. sana na-gets nyo. hehe. I was really happy! The same happiness when I found and saw Mike again. Yes, he is still alive.



Like my ballpens, he mysteriously got lost. as in disappeared. Yes, i do tried to look for him at first. But just like what i did when i knew that my ballpens were really gone, i let go. why suffer when i can buy a new one? right?



so i used a new ballpen. just like i prayed for the eternal optimist to love me. but God has another plan.



I found my ballpens again. He was back in my life again.



I knew he was coming that fateful night of February 3, 2008. There were butterflies in my stomach but only for a while. I was more excited of meeting ash's boyfriend than seeing him again. but then again, God has another plan.



I don't know what has gotten into me to wait for him considering I have work at 8 am. I guess I was also excited to see him. again. after 8 long months.



the butterflies flew again when I saw his car's headlights. "He's here". that's all i could think of. I acted as if nothing happened. But he didn't. why? because he didn't look at me when he got off his car, considering i am just sitting in front of him. He even stood beside me, and I looked at him thinking by that time he's already looking at me. But he still didn't. hehe. It took minutes for him to tap my shoulder and say Hi. what was that??

i know he wasn't compfortable sitting by my side. and so i am. but he had no choice. so he sat there and we acted as if we just saw each other the day before. he was reluctant to catch up with me, thinking he also didn't get to see our other friends for the past 8 months. he was whispering most of the time; we were just chatting nonsense things with a little "parinig" of what happened before. I know he wants to say sorry (he already did na pla, few months ago through ash), i know he wants to explain but as always, he doesn't have the balls to. at the end of the night, i mean "mornyt", im the one who's not comfortable already. because i felt something. we are starting all over again. i was falling for him again (or maybe i never fell out of love at all).

my world was topsy-turvy for days. all i felt was the feeling that i missed him. and that i still do love him.

we saw each other again last february 16. Reunion of our "tropa" in Las Piñas. he fetch me and my friend ash in our village, we ate dinner first, then off we went to LP. that night was so much fun and irritating at the same time. he was talking like we still have a chance together. again.

reality bites: he's getting married this year. and probably, in Germany. not here.

did i fight for him? no.

i know i'll lose him again. so i did what i think was right.

i told him how i feel. as in.

he didn't reply to my confessions, but i had expected that.

so he's out of my life again.

unlike my ballpen who promised to stay with me.