Excerpts from "By the River Piedra I sat down and wept"

"By the river Piedra I sat down and wept.
There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river--leaves, insects, the feathers of birds--is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed.

If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget.

By the River Piedra I sat down and wept.
The winter air chills the tears on my cheeks, and my tears fall into the cold waters that course past me.
Somewhere, this river joins another, then another, until--far from my heart and sight--all of them merge with the sea.

May my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day I cried for him. May my tears run just as far, that I might forget the River Piedra, the monastery, the church in the Pyrenees, the mists, and the paths we walked together.

I shall forget the roads, the mountains, and the fields of my dreams--the dreams that will never come true.

I remember my "magic moment"--that instant when a "yes" or a "no" can change one's life forever. It seems so long ago now. It is hard to believe that it was only last week that I had found my love once again, and then lost him.

I am writing this story on the bank of the River Piedra. My hands are freezing, my legs are numb, and every minute I want to stop.

"Seek to live. Remembrance is for the old," he said.

Perhaps love makes us old before our time--or young, if youth has passed. But how can I not recall those moments? That is why I write--to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance. So that when I finish telling myself the story, I can toss it into the Piedra. That's what the woman who has given me shelter told me to do. Only then--in the words of one of the saints--will the water extinguish what the flames have written.


All love stories are the same."

Medical Specialty Aptitude Test

i took the Medical Specialty Aptitude Test too. i was surprised by the results. haha. seriously.

here's the results:

Rank Specialty Score
1 pediatrics 50
2 psychiatry 47
3 occupational med 47
4 emergency med 47
5 dermatology 46
6 anesthesiology 46
7 family practice 46
8 aerospace med 46
9 preventive med 45
10 ophthalmology 45


well, it seems like i won't be able to get out of the shadows of serving kids. hehe. do need i to say more? :)

i have to try no matter what

may sore eyes ako, masakit lalamunan ko at tinatamad ako dahil wala akong makasama.

yan ang mga nararamdaman ko ngaun araw n to - February 21, 2008. Thursday.

ang araw n pinaghahandaan ko kasi gusto kong mag-audition sa Pinoy Idol.

ewan ko ba, unang kita ko pa lng sa advertisement na merong auditions eh natripan ko n tlgang sumali.
siguro dahil hindi naman pagandahan ang labanan dito, kundi pakapalan ng mukha. hehe. may edge n ako. haha.

hindi din nman ganun kaganda ung boses ko pero! gusto ko pa ring itry. hehe.

im going to push my luck, ika nga.

sino ba nmang hindi nangangarap na bayaran ng malaking halaga para sa isang bagay na gustung-gusto mong gawin db?

tska gusto ko din ibalik kay Lord ung talent na binigay nya sakin, through performing for His people.

sana makapasok ako sa Pinoy Idol.


pero sana, makapag audition muna ako. haha. 10 am ung start, andito pa ako sa cavite. haha.

the joy of finding a lost but loved ballpen..

i was so happy last, last tuesday night because finally, I found the ballpens which mysteriously got lost 3 weeks ago. I wasn't looking for them though, but then when i was cleaning my bag, i touched something very very familiar, my ballpens! hehe. I found them between the cloth inside the bag and the bag itself. sana na-gets nyo. hehe. I was really happy! The same happiness when I found and saw Mike again. Yes, he is still alive.



Like my ballpens, he mysteriously got lost. as in disappeared. Yes, i do tried to look for him at first. But just like what i did when i knew that my ballpens were really gone, i let go. why suffer when i can buy a new one? right?



so i used a new ballpen. just like i prayed for the eternal optimist to love me. but God has another plan.



I found my ballpens again. He was back in my life again.



I knew he was coming that fateful night of February 3, 2008. There were butterflies in my stomach but only for a while. I was more excited of meeting ash's boyfriend than seeing him again. but then again, God has another plan.



I don't know what has gotten into me to wait for him considering I have work at 8 am. I guess I was also excited to see him. again. after 8 long months.



the butterflies flew again when I saw his car's headlights. "He's here". that's all i could think of. I acted as if nothing happened. But he didn't. why? because he didn't look at me when he got off his car, considering i am just sitting in front of him. He even stood beside me, and I looked at him thinking by that time he's already looking at me. But he still didn't. hehe. It took minutes for him to tap my shoulder and say Hi. what was that??

i know he wasn't compfortable sitting by my side. and so i am. but he had no choice. so he sat there and we acted as if we just saw each other the day before. he was reluctant to catch up with me, thinking he also didn't get to see our other friends for the past 8 months. he was whispering most of the time; we were just chatting nonsense things with a little "parinig" of what happened before. I know he wants to say sorry (he already did na pla, few months ago through ash), i know he wants to explain but as always, he doesn't have the balls to. at the end of the night, i mean "mornyt", im the one who's not comfortable already. because i felt something. we are starting all over again. i was falling for him again (or maybe i never fell out of love at all).

my world was topsy-turvy for days. all i felt was the feeling that i missed him. and that i still do love him.

we saw each other again last february 16. Reunion of our "tropa" in Las Piñas. he fetch me and my friend ash in our village, we ate dinner first, then off we went to LP. that night was so much fun and irritating at the same time. he was talking like we still have a chance together. again.

reality bites: he's getting married this year. and probably, in Germany. not here.

did i fight for him? no.

i know i'll lose him again. so i did what i think was right.

i told him how i feel. as in.

he didn't reply to my confessions, but i had expected that.

so he's out of my life again.

unlike my ballpen who promised to stay with me.

the valentines fever

"what's with valentines anyway??"

-post nung pinsan ko sa bulletin..

i used to think that way for years now. pero narealize ko lng na ang mga nagsasabi lang nun eh yung mga taong bitter. hehe. so hindi ko na masyadong binabanggit un para kunwari hindi ako bitter. hehe.

days before valentines, gulong-gulo utak ko. maraming nakakaalam kung bakit (kelan ba ako nagsikreto? hehe), so sa susunod ko n blog na lng ikkwento. may isang tao akong gustong makasama ngunit datapwat subalit ay hindi maaari. so i planned my day. im going out to eat at jatujak pa rin. with or without date.

naku! anak ng tipaklong! dumating ung araw n un wala nga akong ka-date! wala man lng nag-aya. haha.. ngunit datapwat subalit meron akong "dates". haha.. sbi nga, when God closes a door, he opens 4 windows. including the attic window. haha.

so i went out with my super friends from both worlds and i was soooo happy. imagine, ang ganda ng seat nmin. facing seaside sa MOA, harap mismo ng fireworks. hehe. tpos sa ibaba tumutogtog si bamboo. o db? san ka pa?! ayoko ng magboyfriend! haha.. joke Lord.

nakakatuwa kasi ang dami nming food. haha. as in, parang pati graduation party ng mga ggraduates na celebrate n namin. haha. adik.

fave ko tlga ung sate pork. tska yung pad thai na rin. thanks margz.

tpos naglalakad lakad kmi sa seaside. xempre walang kwenta ung gnwa naming un bukod sa nasaktan ung paa ni margz. haha.

nakakatuwa pa, na stranded kami sa terminal. anak ng ----- ang daming tao! unahan dito, unahan dun. so nagpetiks kmi. haha. umupo sa isang bench at nagkwentuhan ulit. at tumawa. at tumawa. at nagpicture. at tumawa ulit. hehe. (i want to say thank you to the mamang driver who took our pictures in the terminal. hehe)

akala namin stranded kmi, hindi pla. madami na plang jeep, hindi lang kmi tumitingin sa likod kasi tawa nga kmi ng tawa. hehe.

tpos nakakatuwa pagdating ng malibay nakita namin si banky ay renee pla. hehe.. cool..

yun ang valentines ko. masaya nung gbi.

pag-uwi ko ng bahay, epekto ata ng kakatawa, umiyak ako.


nakakatawa noh?

just an ordinary weekend

haay.. ang sarap ng feeling umuwi sa bahay ng wala masyadong iniisip na problema..

saturday, umuwi ako sa cavite.. nanood ng tv then nag internet.. my bestfriend cora went to my house. nakipagkwentuhan.. i'll miss her coz she will be working na sa lipa, batangas as a nurse though our whole college years were spent away from each other tlga.. i've realized na no matter how hard you try to be with each other, hindi pa rin pwede lalo n para sa growth nyo ang pagkakahiwalay na yun.

so we catched up and then nagpunta kmi sa preggy naming friend. we had lots of laughs and stories. grabe, yun ang namiss ko sa pag-stay ko sa manila. o pwede ring sila tlga ung namiss ko. im excited to be a "ninang" again though alam kong mabigat tlga sa bulsa un in the near future. hehe.. i hope y new inaanak/pamangkin sa pinsan will be a healthy baby girl. :)

sunday.. my family and i (minus kevin plus my cousin ken) went to St. Lourdes church sa tagaytay. love ko tlga yung church na un, ewan ko ba bakit. ang ganda na nya ngaun. so i was thinking pwede n rin pla ako dun ikasal. hehe. anyway, we heard the 11:30 mass then we went to Teriyaki Boy for our lunch. nag-share lang kmi ni mama sa food since busog pa kmi and nagtitipid. hehe. pinasyal na rin nmin ung cousin ko from davao sa tgaytay. actually, pinakita lng namin ung taal. hehe..

then after, since si via ay super naadik ata sa starbucks, nag-treat ako para matikman din ni mama. spent 475 para sa 2 tall toffee nut latte and 1 mocha frap at (humirit pa kc nanay ko) cinnamon chuva na tinake-out din for my bro. sakit sa bulsa. hehe.. sbi ko, bahala n kung saan ko kukunin ang allowance ko next week. hehe

then we went to the famous strings of ukay-ukay sa olivarez. in fairness ang gaganda ng mga damit. mama ko ang mahilig dun at magaling maghanap ng damit. after 2 hours ata, nkabili sya ng 10 blouses worth 400. san ka pa? hehe.

tinatamad pa akong bumalik ng pasay. gusto ko pa mag-stay d2. kaya lng hindi pwede. kailangang kumayod para sa sahod. (ganda ng rhyme hehe)